Cat'O'Untold'Tales
by Ace5980
Summary: Cut scenes and side-stories from Chimeras Plus Alchemy Equals Love?.  Nuff said.  Mostly crack, some slight romance of Ed, Envy, and Greed with OCs.  Do not read unless you have read Chimeras or wish to be confused out of your mind.
1. Musings On What She May Have Missed

Ace: I know I said 7 reviews, but I just started thinking about Sonya thanks to the anonymous review I got, and it brought back some of the plot line I'd made and then taken out because I just wanted to stop messing around and get on with the story.

Kayla: Anyway, what Ace is getting at is that this is a little drabble on what Sonya was like before the story started and a peek into her head.

Sonya: I don't like it when people peek into my head.

Lela: Yeah, but it's either peeking into your head or comedy. This collection will NOT include sex. It may, however, include fluff.

Sonya: Perfect. Excuse me while I go barf my guts out.

Kayla: Ace5980 does not own FullMetal Alchemist.

Lela: And in case you haven't caught on yet, these are deleted scenes and random side-stories from Ace's story Chimeras Plus Alchemy Equals Love?, so if you haven't read that, the link is http:/ .net/ s / 6104286 / 1 / Chimeras_Plus_Alchemy_Equals_Love. Just remove the spaces to find the story. If you read on despite the warning, well, don't blame us if you get horribly confused.

Ace: Enjoy!

* * *

Musings On What She May Have Missed

Sonya remembered well what her childhood was like. Normally, she repressed those memories down with a fierceness that surprised even her because she didn't want to think about what had happened back then. But now, sitting out here on the roof, watching the fires of the city spread before her like a painting, she couldn't help but to think back to those times.

There was lots of shouting and crying and moans of passion, all one-sided. There was abuse and hiding and so many hidden dances to protect the little ones. Lela tried so hard to keep them safe and unhurt, to give the two younger children the childhood they deserved so much. Little did she know that Sonya knew exactly what went on behind closed doors and the flimsy walls that hid little of what was happening on the other side.

She had seen the tear tracks on her older sister's face, the way the girl cowered when their mother, a stumpy woman with crazed eyes and a bony hand despite her pudginess, would raise her arm up. She had heard the sound of their father ordering her older sister to beg, the whimpers the girl would make when she was alone in the room covered in a mixture of sweat, blood, and other things. Hell, she had even felt the red and bleeding welts on the girl's skin from when their mother would get angry and whip her older sister with a rawhide belt!

No, but what Lela and Kayla didn't know was that Sonya had done what no child should ever have to do. She drugged both of her siblings one night, carrying them to their beds, before she turned and, heart in her throat, ventured into her parent's bedroom. There, that night, she brokered a deal with the devil. In return for providing herself to them once a week, Lela would be left alone that night. Willingly, every night that it was youngest daughter who opened that door instead of the eldest, the mother would abuse the little one and the father would rape her so that her sister would be spared for one night.

Sonya was careful to hide what she did those nights. She always made sure her sisters were fast asleep before she dared venture into the lions' den and was certain she would have enough time to properly dress and bandage herself before returning to the soft comfort offered by the large, old mattress the three slept on. She hid how everyday movements made her body ache until she grew more and more used to the pain, but never did she once take more days than that simple one. To do so would be to reveal herself to Lela, and that would defeat the point of the quiet suffering she endured.

Later, when her mother died, Sonya kept quiet about how the place had no signs of force entry. In fact, she even broke the window on their room herself. She knew there had been no intruder the night their mother had been killed. The only one who had been there in the house was Lela, but Sonya did not hold her sister accountable for whatever had gone on in that house that night. Their mother had deserved whatever little Lela had given her.

The same suspicion arose in her mind when they left the house a year later, running from their father's death as well, but once again, Sonya remained mute on the fact that she knew Lela had killed both of their parents in cold blood. Sonya had done practically nothing to help them over the years, so she would play her part of the naïve sister as she had all these years, and play it well. No one would ever know what exactly had happened in the Animalia household, and that's the way it would stay.

Sonya had lost a lot in those days. Her innocence, her childhood, her happiness. In all honesty, Sonya didn't even really know how to love. Her parents had never shown outward signs of affection other than a gentler smack or a loud moan to the ear. Kayla had somehow escaped major harm, but she did have strange ideas on relationships, which was something the youngest sibling would not be taking up with the other two any time in the near future. Even Lela hadn't really known how to show affection, trying her best to always pull the other two closer behind herself and doing it all as more of a Lone Ranger kind of love than a true sisterly kind.

Maybe that was why Sonya had trouble showing any kind of positive emotion. Maybe it was because she'd always been stepped down on as a kid. Maybe it was because she'd left some vital part of her behind when she'd died. Maybe it was because the Gate had taken something from her in return for her passage back to the mortal realms. In a way, it didn't really matter anymore. Sonya was a darker kind of justice than what most had known, but that was fine with her. She used to be a homunculus who'd been purified into an angel, but she'd always told her sisters she was a pure bat-chimera.

The truth was that Sonya really did love her family. She protected her sisters by not being there, by hiding the truth from them. She loved the chimeras here at the Devil's Nest. She protected herself from letting them hurt her by acting like a bitch, but if they ever chanced upon her up here on the roof, they would see the shining lines her tears had made as they came down her face.

But really, she loved Greed with all her heart. She loved him enough to keep living, to at least act like she didn't hate him because really, when she was being civil to someone, they could see that she had been through just as much as her older sisters, if not more. That was why she hid herself underneath the facade. However, sitting there up on the metal roof with her legs dangling over the side, she couldn't help but think that she had missed something in her way of looking at the world and was now missing out on something as a result.

* * *

Ace: What'd you think?

Sonya: Don't answer that.

Kayla: DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!

Lela: Very nice, Ace. *pats on head*

Kayla: What're you gonna do next?

Ace: Probably something involving you.

Lela: Romance or peeking?

Ace: Comedy.

Kayla: Ooooooooooohhhhhh, press that little button down there that says review! Please! I WANTS TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!

Sonya: Where'd the guys go?

Ace: Somewhere.

Lela: She sent them away because they're being held hostage as rewards. Reviewers may do whatever they like to each one.

Kayla: OH NOES, ED IS IN TROUBLE! *runs off to go find Edward*

Sonya: OMFG, GREED'S BEING HELD HOSTAGE? *flies off to go rescue Greed*

Lela: I don't even want to go looking for Envy right now...

Ace: Smart girl.


	2. The SqueakyToy Saga, Part 1

Ace: Okay, this was the real reason I started writing all these.

Sonya: *sigh* I can't even kill you 'cuz you still need to do reviews.

Kayla: YES!

Sonya: CSI Aphrodite. Yes, I do not be a bitch without reason, however, I am a badass without reason. This thingy is comedy, it has Kayla stupidity, and GIVE ME BACK MY GREED BEFORE I CUT YOUR THROAT OUT AND (uhhhhh, technical difficulties?)

Lela: Furorensu-Chan, Ace thanks you for your encouragement and will likely update before the day's out because the comedy isn't nearly as long as normal.

Kayla: Ace5980 does not own FullMetal Alchemist.

* * *

The Squeaky-Toy Saga, Part One

Kayla's birthday was here, and just like last year, the boys really didn't know what to get her. She squealed at all the clothes they'd gotten her, some to hide her wolf attributes and others altered with alchemy to let her tail, ears, and paws be. Unfortunately for Al, Edward hadn't told him about the last gag gift he'd gotten Kayla.

In hindsight, once he'd already shown Kayla the box and it was too late to take it back, he realized it was a rather cruel gag and shouldn't have ever happened, but she would never let him take it away without opening it first. So, regretting his snap decision on buying the present, he gave her the last box and waited warily for her to tear off the paper and open the box.

She blinked, looking inside with a confused expression on her face. "You got me a stuffed animal?" she asked, pulling out a small brown furry rabbit.

"Squeeze it," he muttered, waiting for the explosion.

She followed his advice, starting when the rabbit let out a large squeak and throwing it onto the table instinctively. Her eyes went huge, and tail swishing curiously, she poked it cautiously with her paw. It let out another squeak, and she poked it a couple more times before yelling, "ED, THIS IS THE BEST PRESENT EVER!" and picking it up. She was laughing hysterically, holding it between the tips of her fingers as she squeaked it over and over.

Ed face-palmed, suddenly having a strange urge to smack the alchemists who made her upside the head for giving Kayla such dog-like qualities when she was supposed to be a wolf. Of course, it may have been the human in her that found the amusement in the toy, not the wolf. But then again, who could ever know with Kayla?

* * *

Lela: Reward is to, uh, you know what, let's not change it since Ace is going to update soon.

Ace: Yep!

Kayla: I LOVE MY SQUEAKY TOY!

Sonya: Which is why it didn't make the cut.

Kayla: Why?

Sonya: 'Cuz when it's around, you get stupid.

Kayla: I'm not stupid!

Sonya: Ed's taking a bubble bath.

Kayla: WHERE?

Sonya: *points*

Kayla: I'M COMING ED!

Lela: I'm next, and mine's very much a cute little thing... only I'm not the cute one...

Ace: Which is why I'm hiding in a secret bunker with a computer and hoping for reviews while I work on a new story!

Lela: Ace...

Ace: I still need to figure out what to do with you guys right now! I'm doing some super-cool Mafia-esque story with Envy and Ed and Al and Wrath and all the homunculi being awesome criminals... 'KAY, GOTTA GO, BYE!


	3. Human Insecurities

Lela: Ace? Are you okay?

Ace: *muffled behind door* No, not really.

Kayla: Please come out. We're putting up part of your story now.

Ace: I'm not feeling well, guys.

Sonya: What was our first clue? The hiding out inside of and around your bathroom for the past several hours?

Kayla: C'mon Ace, we need you.

Ace: Get Roy to replace me or something. I think I'm gonna be here a while.

Sonya: Suit yourself. *reaches behind bookshelf and pulls out Roy by ear* Okay, Flamepony, you can do the disclaimer since you haven't done anything else today.

Kayla: WAIT! ACE GOT A REVIEW WE NEED TO ANSWER!

Lela: Oh, for Pete's sake! *reads review* CSI Aphrodite, Ace would like to thank you for your compliment despite the fact she told you she was going to update if it killed her, and I think Kayla appreciates the squeaky you gave her.

Kayla: *squeezing squeaky between her fingertips with an intense look of concentration on her face*

Sonya: And I'm gonna kill you 'cuz you wanted to steal my Greed. He is MINE, and I'm not afraid of Kimbley like the authoress is. I AM FREAKING IMMORTAL! Jeez, weren't you paying attention to that part?

Kayla: Hey look, Ace shoved a note under the door for us! It says, 'Sonya, Knowledge tells you that in the last chapter of Chimeras. They don't know that yet. Stop giving away spoilers for the ending and the sequel. Love, Ace' Awwww, she loves us!

Sonya: Right-o, Flamepony, do the disclaimer before I cut your heart out and feed it to the pigs.

Lela: Another note. 'Sonya, stop threatening Roy. I need him to fill in for me in these, and besides, he's in the sequel. 3 , Ace PS- Kayla, Ed called to tell you that he's NOT taking a bubble bath and that you SHOULDN'T come home for the next while.'

Roy: Ace5980 does not own FullMetal Alchemist. Now go read while I do the paperwork Hawkeye made me bring with me since I was missing work.

* * *

Human Insecurities

Lela had always heard how much Envy hated humans. He liked to watch them suffer, liked to humiliate and manipulate them to serve his own ends. She knew he didn't do any of that to her, but sometimes she had little nagging doubts in the back of her mind. What if she hadn't been a chimera? What if she was a human? Would he hate her like he did all the other humans?

She shook her head, gazing into the mirror purposefully to distract herself with the sight of her ears, tail, paws, and fur. She wasn't human. She was a panther-chimera. Envy loved her for who she was, not who she might've been. She needed to move on with life and get rid of those nagging regrets and the what-ifs? She could what-if herself her entire life, so she had to stop now before it got out of hand.

But with her tail hiding behind her lithe body and her ears drooping down under her long black hair, she could easily imagine that she was human. She stared into the mirror for a long time, fighting herself, before she let out a wail and shattered the mirror, sinking to the floor. She didn't move for a long time, lost in the prison of her own mind until Envy returned from whatever mission he'd been on and began stroking her concernedly. "Is something wrong, kitten?" he murmured, turning over her paws to lick up the blood dripping from a handful of small cuts she'd obtained from the breaking glass.

"Envy," she said slowly, "Would you still love me if I weren't a chimera?"

He was quiet for a moment before he let out a quiet laugh, shaking his head. "Oh kitten," he chuckled, "for being my better half, sometimes you just get the wrong idea in your head!"

"I know, it's silly, but please?"

There was a quiet sigh huffed into her ear, and the tongue resumed its ministrations on her soft pads. "Lela, I say I hate humans because I envy the way they rely so much on each other and on their humanity when I have none myself. When I look at you, even you shine with so much humanity that it almost hurts my cold little black heart. So if I don't hate you now, when you embody everything that it means to be human to me and are even dragging a little of that out of myself, whatever would make you think I could find it in me to hate you if you somehow managed to turn yourself from chimera to human? I'd be overjoyed for you, no matter how much I'd miss playing with your ears or how you'd tease me with that tail of yours."

She blushed, looking away then. "I guess even chimeras can get tied up over a few human insecurities."

* * *

Roy: WHAT? I WAS TOLD THERE WOULD BE MAGNIFICENT SEX IN HERE!

Sonya: Yeah, Ace tends to lie about those kinds of things.

Lela: Actually, she was planning on making a special cut scenes thing for the sex scenes from us, but she just hasn't gotten around to it, mainly 'cuz she wants to avoid the awkward conversations you have with your parents when they discover you can write VERY explicit sex scenes when you want to.

Kayla: Yeah. Her parents and little brother do like to read over her shoulder when she writes... but the reward... *begins drooling as she imagines what Ace could write for her and Ed, suffers a massive nosebleed, and faints from bloodloss*

Roy: *also begins thinking about what Ace could write, has massive nosebleed, and faints*

Sonya: *shakes head* They do realize that I'm the only one who's had sex at this point?

Lela: Yeah, kinda odd when you think about the fourteen-year-old is the only one having sex... Even stranger when you factor in the biological maturity of about 20 and the intellectual maturity of ageless.

Sonya: *shrugs* Dying and being brought back to life via the Gate can do a lot for your relative age. Besides, you guys are gonna catch up in the sequel.

Lela: *wary* Do I want to know who's first?

Sonya: Probably not.

Lela: ... It's me, isn't it?

Sonya: Yeah, pretty much.

Lela: *faints*

Roy: *suddenly stands up as though nothing had happened* And now, for our lovely reward, you reviewers are allowed to take a pick at the special Door Game! Shall you pick what's behind Door Number 1, 2, or 3? Everyone walks away a winner!

Sonya: He's lying.

Roy: AM NOT!

Sonya: *reads note from Ace* 'Liar.'

Roy: *stalks away pouting*

Sonya: Hopefully Ace'll be feeling better soon, and we won't ever have to do this again. *sweat-drops* Dealing with Roy Mustang is like dealing with a sexually-active five-year-old... *walks away without another word, leaving the other two on the floor and Ace still hiding in the bathroom*


	4. The SqueakyToy Saga, Part 2

Ace: I feel better now.

Kayla: Good! Let's look at the reviews now, so that you can answer them, like this one from CSI Aphrodite!

Lela: *grabs fish* My fishie. *crawls to corner and begins noming on fish*

Envy: YOU'RE SO GOING DOWN! I AM NOT CUTE! *runs off*

Sonya: Greed came back, so I won't kill you, but Kimbley is not a threat to me and I do not take kindly towards attempts to blow me up.

Roy: Uh... I don't know if I want to stay in these...

Ace: Nonsense, you're doing fine!

Roy: Um, Furorensu-Chan told me in the review after she was done spazzing that I was in these that she wanted me to take a bubble bath so that she could pull a Kayla. *looks uneasily at Kayla, who is playing with squeaky toy unconcernedly*

Kayla: And Ace updated because even though she wasn't feeling well, she had promised to update again that day, so she just went on and did it. She wasn't really thinking about who had reviewed and who hadn't...

Sonya: And, because my sister is far too occupied with her fish to do this for me, she really appreciates you telling her that you liked the chapters. That's part of the reason she put up another Kayla chapter. The other reason was because she has far more Kayla than anyone else.

Roy: Ace5980 does not own FullMetal Alchemist.

Sonya: Wow, you're getting really good at that...

* * *

The Squeaky-Toy Saga, Part Two

Kayla eyed the little rabbit toy eagerly, resisting the urge to squeak it with all of her strength and will. In other words, she wasn't holding up well. Every few minutes or so, she couldn't control herself any longer and would squeeze the toy so that it let out a sickly squeak. Edward, having finally reached his limit for the day on the toy even though it was only eleven, reached over and picked up the chimera, depositing her into his lap.

Tail wagging happily with her toy forgotten, she snuggled into him and licked the wrist of the hand he was stroking her with. Then Al accidentally stepped on the rabbit, making her freeze. Which was more important to her, the urge to play with the squeaky toy or the urge to play with Ed? The rabbit let out another squeak when Al pulled his foot off it, which made her decision for her. She leapt off Ed's lap, a first for the wolf chimera, and snatched the little rabbit thing, doing her usual squeezing method.

Al laughed at the dumbstruck look on Ed's face. "I think we should give the rabbit a name, Ed."

Kayla looked up happily. "Let's call him Master Squeaky 'cuz he is my master and he goes all squeak and then I come."

Ed smiled, an evil plan formulating in his mind. Master Squeaky squeaked and she came, eh? "Oh Kayla," he sang, getting up and giving her a sly look. "I'm gonna go have a bubble bath."

Her eyes went wide, and she jumped on him in a flying tackle. He somehow managed to catch the hundred pound plus wriggling chimera girl, looking down at her. "I WANNA COME, I WANNA COME, I WANNA COME!" she yelled, tail spazzing against his hand.

He smirked, carrying her into the bathroom. Al sweat-dropped at the sight, not even wanting to imagine what was going on in there. Apparently Edward held more power over Kayla than Master Squeaky did.

* * *

Ace: ... I don't think I want to know what went on in there either.

Sonya: Agreed.

Greed and Roy: *fainted on floor with nosebleeds*

Lela: *still noming on fishie*

Sonya: Okay, I don't think Lela's allowed any more fish. *takes fish*

Lela: *attacks Sonya until Envy gives more fish*

Ace: Wow, I never knew Lela was so overprotective of her fish.

Envy: Yeah. That's why I NEVER give her fish.

Lela: Yum. Fishies.

Envy: That, and because she gets drunk after the fact.

Ace: Yeesh. Anyway, 'cuz I don't think anyone's gonna get up for the reward, and Sonya's too injured, Kayla and Ed are busy, and Envy's doing perverted things with Lela and the fish, I guess I'm offering the reward today. The reward is... actually, I got nothing. Normally Lela does this... I guess it'll just be a bubble bath with your choice of character. Later! *walks away as though absolutely nothing's happening*


	5. Super Kayla

Sonya: Shouldn't you be working on the sequel?

Ace: Uh... Maybe?

Kayla: Ooooooohhhhh! Reviews! Hey Roy, Furorensu-chan's looking for you!

Roy: ... Hell.

Ace: Thanks for your well-wishes! They were greatly appreciated!

Kayla: OMG, OMG OMG, SOMEONE LOVES MASTER SQUEAKY! *spasms on Ed with toy*

Ed: Good, CSI Aphrodite took our advice. No one really wants to know what went on in that room.

Ace: And as we can see, Roy's fine, he does that all the time, but I'm not so sure about Greed.

Sonya: *strokes still-unconscious Greed's hair in her lap*

Envy: Well... yeah... but... I DENY EVERYTHING!

Sonya: AND I'LL DO WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT!

Ace: *stares at declaration of marriage* That is the awesomest eight-year-old ever. Did he know what FMA was? If so, I would like to make a marriage request...

Ed: Yeah, DarkVampirePrincess8, Kayla's comment was part of the reason I went to the bathroom with her... even though Ace didn't realize the perverted aspect of that phrase until later.

Lela: FISHIES! *tackles pile of fish and drags to corner*

Envy: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE GIVING HER MORE FISH?

Greed: *suddenly sits up* Ace5980 does not own FullMetal Alchemist. *faints again*

Everyone except Greed and Lela: *stares dumb-founded at Greed*

Ace: Did he just-?

Roy: I think so.

Envy: Moving on now.

* * *

Super Kayla

"WHAT IS IT THERE, UP IN THE SKY? IS IT A BIRD? IS IT A PLANE? NO, IT'S SUPER KAYLA!"

Roy Mustang looked up from his paperwork to see Kayla bound in, followed by a seriously annoyed Ed and a seriously confused Al. "What's up with her?"

"She saw some crappy little kid's show-"

"BLUE'S CLUES IS _NOT_ CRAPPY!"

"-and they were all superheros today."

"... I call being her side-kick!" Ed face-palmed as Roy ran off, laughing manically as he no doubt went to go find himself a side-kick outfit.

"HAWKEYE'S GONNA KICK YOUR BUTT WHEN SHE FINDS OUT YOU'RE SKIPPING PAPERWORK AGAIN!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Kayla managed to get into more trouble. "OH MY GOD, ED'S SUFFOCATING INSIDE HIS COAT!" she screamed, waking him up from a light doze, and she then proceeded to rip off his red coat and throw it out the window. Then she stood next to Roy, smiling happily, before she gasped and ran over to Al. "NO! I CAN'T LET YOU BANG UP YOUR ARMOR!" She then began shoving pillows into Al's armor.

"NO! YOU'RE GONNA SUFFOCATE THE KITTENS!" he yelled, frantically pulling out small kittens from inside his armor. "Eh heh heh, hi Brother," he said awkwardly when he saw Ed's face.

"I think we need to go help Hawkeye with her paperwork," Roy suggested.

"GOOD IDEA!" The chimera ran over and grabbed a pile of paper, which she then proceeded to throw into a shredder.

"KAYLA, YOU JUST THREW ALL OF ED'S REPORTS INTO THE SHREDDER. NOW HE'S GONNA HAVE TO REWRITE THEM ALL AND ROY'S GONNA HAVE TO REREAD THEM ALL, WHICH MEANS WE'RE BASICALLY GONNA HAVE TO READ THEM FOR HIM AND THEN TELL HIM WHERE TO SIGN!"

She wilted. "Kayla didn't save the day?"

"No, Kayla," Ed said, "You didn't."

Her eyes filled with tears, and tail between her legs, she walked off to go hide in her Kayla-cave, aka, the men's bathroom.

* * *

"OMG, KAYLA, MUSTANG'S GOT HIS GLOVES STUCK ON HIS HANDS!" Ed yelled into the bathroom, not trusting her enough to venture in there. Kayla got clingy when she was upset, which only resulted in more tackling for him.

"I'm not a superhero," she whined pathetically, "I'll only make it worse."

"Only a superhero can save him. Someone like, say, Super Kayla..."

"I'LL DO IT!" she screamed, running out. She then ran into Roy's office and ripped his gloves off, making him yell loudly in pain. "You're welcome," she said happily, bounding out of the room.

"... Remind me again why I let you superglue my hands into my gloves, Fullmetal."

The blond shrugged, unrepentive. "It was for the good of the Kayla, which is the good of the sane. If you hadn't, she only would've raped me in there."

"... Good point."

* * *

Ace: Okay, this was based on the show I just watched for my Spanish assignment, Pocoyo. He was pretending to be a superhero, and as I watched it, I thought, Kayla would so do this. So, this was the end result. Here's the cast!

Pocoyo- Kayla

Duck- Mustang

Bird- Ed

Dog- Al

Elephant- Hawkeye

Kayla: I'M SUPER KAYLA!

Ed: Oh god.

Roy: WHY DID MY GLOVES END UP SUPER-GLUED TO MY HANDS?

Envy: Ha ha, sucker.

Lela: Reviewers get cake.

Sonya: Please review. They'll help Greed wake up.

Greed: *still unconscious*


	6. Are You Still There, My Love?

Sonya: MY GOD, ACE, YOU'RE ACTUALLY DOING WORK?

Ace: Yeah, I decided to venture from my bunker just for this cut-out.

Sonya: *reads chapter* Why is this cut anyway? It hasn't happened yet.

Ace: Because it's all set from first-person.

Sonya: And where are the others?

Ace: Oh, I shoved them all down the stairs, so they're all in the hospital, and Envy's scared of me right now, so...

Sonya: Okay, reviews. CSI Aphrodite, Envy's not here, so... YOU FISH LELA IN VAIN.

Ace: And as for who I want to marry, well, let's just say it's a certain homicidal cross-dressing gender-confused palm tree.

Sonya: And didn't you do some work you wanted to tell everyone about this week?

Ace: OH YEAH! Me and my friends are all FMA characters. I'm Greed, and I have a friend who's Kimbley, and when we were on a field trip, I tried to sleep against him and even now continue to steal his stuff and fuel the GreedxKimbley pairing.

Sonya: And I'll send the regards over to Super Idiot for you, Furorensu-chan.

Greed: *splutters* WHO THE HELL THREW CAKE IN MY FACE?

Sonya: The reviewer.

Greed: Can I-

Ace: No.

Sonya: Ace5980 does not own FullMetal Alchemist.

* * *

Are You Still There, My Love?

Do you remember me? I remember you. I remember all the times we shared together, in a warm bed, full of love and passion. I remember the way you would hold me when we had finished, kissing my forehead and reassuring me everything would be okay when I was so certain it wouldn't be. I remember that easy smile you always teased out a carefree smile when all I felt like doing was falling to my knees, giving up among my tears. I remember how it felt to lose you.

Do you still see me the way you used to see me? I still see you the same way I always have. I still see you as the first stable adult I've had in my life since I died. I still see you as the one who saved me from the place of my nightmares, the first thing I saw with my newly-functioning eyes. I still see you as the man I loved so dearly, the first one I have ever dared to give myself to, body and soul. I still see you as the homunculus who stroked my hair when both of our lives were surely forfeit.

Do you hear the music in my voice? I hear the music in yours. I hear how you made me feel like I wasn't the helpless girl I always was when I first met you. I hear you slashing my chains all over again, releasing me from my chains. I hear you lovingly letting me sleep in when you yourself get up to maintain the relative peace in our home. I hear you whispering sweet comforts to me as we wait to die.

Do you understand my heart the way you used to? I understand you the same way I did before. I understand how you treat everyone like they're equal because in your eyes, they are. I understand why you take my bitchiness with just as much seriousness as you do Dorochet's sound advice despite the fact mine rarely holds water. I understand the reasons why you were so reluctant to take up with me even though you loved me, unwilling to hurt me even when I wanted you to. I understand that the looseness of your arms was not from a lack of love the night before we died but a desire to protect me from all the sins of the world.

Do you still love me like you used to? I still love you like I used to. I love the way you call me when I want to strangle Marta for doing something stupid. I love the way you reassure me when my wings are a tattered mess and all I'm expecting is pain on top of pain. I love the way you stroke my wings when I lie there after we had sex, tracing the bone just the way I like it. I love the way you were the only thing in my thoughts when I woke up without you by my side.

Yes, you do still remember me; I can feel it in the way you hold me close to you as though you never want to let me go. Yes, you do still see me the way you always have; I can sense it in the way you let me go, even though you obviously want to keep me close because you know I prefer my freedom to a cage, no matter how well-intentioned. Yes, you do still hear the music in my voice; I can see it in the way you hang on my every word, closing your eyes to better hear them. Yes, you do understand my heart the way you used to; I can see it behind every cautious touch you venture on me even though you trust me implicitly with your entire being. Yes, you do still love me like you used to; I can reach out and touch it in the way your lips move so smoothly with mine.

* * *

Ace: AW! THAT'S SO SWEET! *spasms on floor*

Sonya: I will now die of embarrassment.

Greed: Reviewers get more cake.

Ace: I'm gonna go hide in my bunker now, before Sonya decides to kill me for taking a walk in her head. *runs away*

Sonya: I'MMA GONNA KILL YOU! *runs after with Final Judgment*

Greed: *sigh* Looks like it's up to me to save the authoress... *walks off nonchalantly*


	7. Pony and Crazy Louie

Ace: Wow, it's been a while.

Sonya: No shit, Sherlock.

Ace: In apology, here is my favorite chapter- what would happen if Kayla and Ed had a child.

Roy: That doesn't sound too bad.

Ace: They dump him with you.

Roy: ... Shit.

Greed: *comes out of nowhere* Whoa, we're back on.

Sonya: Yep.

Ace: I gots a laptop, so I'm gonna be trying to get back in business. Now, to the reviews!

Sonya: WHY IS IT SO HARD TO BELIEVE I HAVE EMOTIONS! CSI Aprhodite, you are so going down, and GET OFF MY- *pauses at thought of what Greed is to her*

Greed: Lover?

Sonya: -lover.

Ace: fma gal, I have no idea where you might've heard Final Judgement before, but it's a firm fixture in Chimeras, so...

Sonya: AND I HAVE EMOTIONS, GODDAMMIT!

Roy: Furorensu-chan, judging by Sonya's mood, I would run if I were you.

Greed: Ace5980 does not own FullMetal Alchemist.

Ace: Please read! It's worth it this time, I promise!

* * *

Pony and Crazy Louie

Roy Mustang opened his door to a rather strange sight. Kayla was standing outside, clinging to Ed's arm, while the blond held something that looked rather like a dog sitting on his arms. "Kayla brought home this puppy and we can't take care of it. Can you do it for us? His name is Pony." His speech said, the younger alchemist chucked Pony at Roy's face and made a run for it, Kayla waving as they went.

Onyx eyes looked at the animal dangled before his face, noticing that the dog had not stopped panting the entire time and _still _remained in a sitting position. More importantly, the dog seemed to have a slight dent in his head from his collision with Roy, which filled in with a slight sucking noice before the man's very eyes. Suddenly, Roy realized that not only was the puppy stupider than a stack of bricks, his name was no accident or mere coincidence. Oh, Edward was _so _going to be getting a piece of his mind when the older alchemist saw him later.

In the meantime, observation of Pony was the first priority. The young dog was stranger than Black Hayate, not moving from his position of staring at the nearest wall while he panted. In fact, Roy and Jean quickly fell into the habit of tripping over Pony due to his lack of movement or signs of intellligence.

The most important thing they discovered about the puppy was that he migrated. if he had to be somewhere, or even if he didn't, once an hour, at the same time, he would get up and move three steps to the left. If he was inside of some kind of box or other constrant, the entire contraption would move with him, sometimes with a popping sound as it defied the laws of physics. Pony could even climb onto vertical surfaces and the ceiling during those three steps, but when he was upside-down, he could fall down at any time onto unsuspecting passerby beneath him.

The most note-worthy thing they discovered about Pony was that he was Edward and Kayla's child. Once again, nature had seemed to decide to make that dog a joke because when Roy did the science, there was absolutely no way anyone who had a parent as smart as Ed could produce a child dumber than either of the parents, but apparently anything was possible.

The worst thing they discovered about Pony was that if you tried to kick him, you tripped over him. Jean hated that particular experiment, mainly because he was the only one who ever had enough reason to want to kick the puppy in the first place.

The funniest thing they discovered about Pony was that when his tail caught on fire, he would not react in any way. The video of this phenominon, and that of Jean repeatedly tripping over Pony and watching in horror at the denting process, won Amestris's Funniest Videos, a thing Roy would use as a pick-up line for the next three months. Then he found Crazy Louie and things only got worse.

Crazy Louie was this random green cat that appeared in Roy's front yard, staring at the tree there. He would not stop staring at that tree, so when Ed was called out to investigate, the conclusion was that the cat believed the tree to be alive, no matter how many times people told him it was just a tree. No one realized that since he had lost his own child, Envy had taken up disguising himself as a tree in Roy's yard to make sure the baby was okay. This time, he was the one who won AFV for his video of Crazy Louie picking up Jean by the legs and using him to put out the random fires that started up in Roy's yard, all while Pony merely sat there panting and completely unaware of the chaos going on behind him and the conflagration making itself known on his tail.

Roy Mustang resolved never to adopt a pet ever again, especially if any of them were related to his subordinate or to his subordinate's wife's sister.

* * *

Ace: My God, I love Pony. Especially the part about kicking him makes you trip over him. *smiles*

Greed: So that's where Envy goes off to every now and again?

Sonya: Pretty much.

Roy: I KNEW STEVE WAS HELPING THE HOMUNCULI SPY ON ME! (Note: Steve is Roy's neighbor. Who Roy hates. A lot. And repeatedly flames his house and plants and lawn and stuff. We all feel sorry for Steve now, don't we?)

Ace: Now, if I may, please go to my profile. The poll's changed, and for certain this one is staying, but I need some help with my fourth-place winner... (And no, 777 Ways to Die will not be affected)

Sonya: Reviewers will be rewarded with a copy of one of the videos from AFV of Pony.

Lela: *continues to play with fish, occasionally licking it*

Ace: Greed, could you please go get the others?

Greed: *sigh* Fine. *stalks off*


End file.
